The fantastic paranormal experts of konoha
by Eric Eagle
Summary: Naruto and Sasuke form their paranormal expert teams to investigate some unusual ghost happenings. A horror parody, with a PROPER plot. sit back and enjoy this adventurous ride with comedy, horror, action and total fun and see your favorite characters as detectives.


THE FANTASTIC PARANORMAL EXPERTS OF KONOHA

CASE 1: THE HIGHWAY GHOST

CHAPTER 1: THE PARANORMAL EXPERT TEAMS ARE FORMED.

 **A/N: HELLO EVERYONE, I HAVE BEEN PLANNING TO WRITE THIS FROM A LONG TIME, AND FINALLY I HAVE BEGUN. I WANTED TO WRITE A PARODY ACTUALLY FIRST, BUT ONE DAY I WAS READING SOME SO CALLED 'REAL LIFE GHOST STORIES' SO, I GOT INSPIRED AND THOUGHT WHY NOT MAKE A GHOST PARODY?**

 **BUT BEHOLD! THIS WILL HAVE PROPER PLOT! SO, LET US NOT WASTE ANYMORE TIME AND**

" **LET THE 74** **TH** **HUNGER GAME….OH SORRY, GOT A BIT CARRIED AWAY"**

"ANIME!"

"MANGA!"

"ANIME!"

"MANGA!"

"ANIME!"

"MANGA!"

The two strongest shinobis of the world were almost at each other's throats. Holding each other's collar and glaring in each other's eyes with their best death glares. Almost growling like animals they were almost ready to rip each other apart.

"This is completely ridiculous!" the black haired ninja gasped in complete frustration and let go of him.

"That is MY line" the blonde said emphasizing on the word 'my', "I can't believe I chased you like crazy for years! A complete waste! Had I known that you were such an idiot, I would have focused more on ways to bang Sakura"

"Yeah, you even made me believe that you were a gay" Sasuke squinted.

"Though I am not a gay, but it is still better than being a hormone less person like you. I can't believe that you kept on avoiding a girl like Sakura who was head over heels for you" Naruto was trying to be as sarcastic as possible.

"Maybe you don't know but, I do nothing but scowl whole day make some stern comments to look cool and speak as less as possible though I am always dying from inside to shout in the streets on top of my lungs that I am bisexual; just to look cool and fangirls keep flocking all over me" Sasuke retorted in extreme smugness.

Naruto's eyes twitched, because he knew that what Sasuke was saying was actually the truth.

"Well, there is always a character in anime over whom girls burst their ovaries"

Sasuke smirked at this. "And I am glad that it was me and not you"

"Well, It is all Kishimoto's mercy that you were chosen to be the cool and the silent one" Naruto pouted in disappointment, but then added with a smirk, "but it doesn't matter actually, does it?"

"What do you mean?" Sasuke asked raising one of his eyebrows.

"Well, I am the protagonist of the series and the series name is after me"

This seemed to affect the raven haired boy, he looked pissed which made Naruto's chest to swell in pride.

Naruto came close to Sasuke's face as much as possible and pouted to the maximum limit and said, "The series name is NA-RU-TO and not Sa-su-ke and as an obvious bonus, I get the bustier girl and not like your your flat chest one" and then he laughed out loud with his arms on his waist and looking up.

"Well, I prefer to not to be the protagonist if it means to have a low IQ" Sasuke was desperately trying to come up with an insult.

"What do you mean" Naruto narrowed his eyes ,now serious.

"All the shounen protagonists tend to be idiots, just look at Luffy and Goku, Luffy's IQ is lower than the room temperature and Goku has begun an idiot in Dragon ball super, though he was smarter in DBZ" Sasuke smirked and continued, " While, the second main guy is always badass, look at Zoro and Vegeta"

"Well, we do have exceptions" Naruto said pointing towards himself with his thumb.

"Yes, of course we do, it is Ichigo and not you at all" Sasuke was back to his same old cocky clam self.

This pissed off Naruto greatly and he again grabbed his collar, "SHUT UP! DO NOT TRY TO DEVIATE FROM THE TOPIC!"

"IT IS YOU WHO IS DEVIATING!" Sasuke too grabbed his collar.

"Anime!"

"Manga!"

"Just admit it! Anime is way better than manga ,you fool" Naruto shouted.

"A worthless fool like you cannot even begin to comprehend the joy of reading books!" Sasuke shouted looking really furious.

"Anime, has everything! It has emotions! It has music! It has things MOVING! And not some lame ass drawings"

Sasuke had cooled down and was back to his nature as decided by Kishimoto, "Just as I expected, you are too much of an illiterate asshole to understand the joy of reading. Manga is better than the anime in every aspect, the artwork is phenomenal and not crappy like the ones designed by Studio Peirrot, the events are more impactful and do a better job in getting etched in your mind and not stuck in the filler hell"

As those two were bickering their other friends started to arrive.

"Geez, look at them, fighting already? I thought, that after the war, they had finally started getting well along with each other" Shikamaru said **(A/N: It is set after The Last)**

"What are you guys bickering about?" Shikamaru asked.

"Nothing Shikamaru, Sasuke says that mangas are better than anime, can you believe this shit?!" Naruto complained to him.

"Well, I think he is right" Shikamaru said.

"WHAT!" Naruto looked him in shock as if he had betrayed him.

"Are you nuts Shikamaru?!" Kiba shouted.

"Well, I agree with Shikamaru actually" Sai said smiling.

"You must be all crazy! Guy sensei says that in youth we should not do lazy things like reading" Lee supported Naruto.

"Thanks bushy brows" Naruto had tears in his eyes.

"Don't mention it" Lee gave his signature 'good guy' thumbs up and his teeth shined brightly and which Naruto looked a bit confused.

"Umm, bushy brows, I wanted to ask you something" Naruto said.

"What is it?"

"I have observed that every time you do this pose, your teeth always shine" Naruto pointed out, and suddenly everybody nodded.

"O..Well, actually you see, I can never be sure when I need to do this pose, it may be night time or evening as well, so, I have fitted a micro bulb behind one of my canines and whenever I do the pose, I secretly press the switch in my pocket and it glows and give my smile a youthful touch, wait I will show you" Lee said and started trying to take put the bulb.

Everyone sweatdropped. "Haha, we got it Lee, you don't need to take it out" Sakura said a bit tensed.

"I got it, I got it" Lee said, looking totally tensed and took out a pliers from a pocket of his chuunin jacket and started pulling it out. He applied as much force as he could, his face was a complete red and sweat drops started rolling on his face.

"I got…this!" Lee was still trying and finally his labor paid and he managed to pull out something.

"Did he just pull out his teeth!" Tenten looked incredulous.

"Here, now I will take out the bulb from behind the tooth" Lee declared, his mouth all bloody and tears flowing from his eyes but his expression still determined, and his teeth structure now having a gaping window.

Lee searched for it, but couldn't find anything, "NOOOOOO! I pulled out the wrong one!" after saying this he fainted.

In the meantime, nobody had moved, everyone too dazed to say anything. Finally Shikamaru broke the silence, "Well, that was kinda,ummm…..how do I say this…..that was kinda…weird" , he said scratching the back of his head and everyone nodded.

"So, getting back to the point….." Naruto said.

"Yeah" Sasuke nodded.

"Well, I m totally in support of Naruto" Kiba declared and I am sure that Akamaru will agree "Right Akamaru?"

"Woof woof!" Akamaru barked.

"Well, of course, he would agree, because he is an animal, and animals cannot read" Shikamaru said.

"What about you Hinata?" Naruto asked.

"And you Sakura?" Sasuke did too.

 _Oh, no!_ Hinata thought, _I love mangas more, but I don't want to disappoint Naruto, especially not after we have just started dating finally, what should I do now? Sakura loves animes more, I know that because she once told me._

 _Oh, no!_ Sakura thought, _I love animes more, but I don't want to disappoint Sasuke, especially not after he has started giving me some importance, what should I do now?Hinata loves mangas more, I know because she once told me._

"Hmm?" Naruto and Sasuke said in unison and instantly death glared each other.

Both of them started stammering….

"Animes!" Hinata said.

"Mangas!" Sakura said.

And they both looked at each other understanding each other's condition.

Both the boys smiled, proud of their loves.

"As for me, I think the best thing in the world is to grab a pack of chips, lay back and watch animes, reading manga is boring, you have to turn the page every minute" Choji sided with Naruto.

"I didn't expect anything else from you anyway" Ino said in pure sarcasm " Well, I am with Sasuke in this matter"

"Well, nothing new, you always run after Sasuke in a constant hope that one fine day, he will smash that pussy of yours" Sai said, smiling very innocently.

It made Ino's face tomato red and Sasuke sigh and whisper 'annoying fangirls'. Sai took out a book which said- 'Some quotes for your worthless brain'. And then, he flipped through some pages and finally discovering the one he was looking for , he showed it to everyone.

" _Honesty is the best policy,it says that it does good to everyone,_ well, I thought that I will follow this quote and imply it in my life from now on, forever" Sai said smilingly.

"Why do I have a feeling that this quote following thing won't do a lot of good to us" Naruto said to himself.

"And if you are asking me about this ridiculous stuff of yours to side on, I will say manga, because I like books a lot"

"We figured out that much" Tenten opened her mouth for the second time "Hmm, to be honest, I too will go with Sasuke"

"Yosh! It is settled then!" Naruto said rather enthusiastically "From now on, we are two separate teams"

"What?" Shikamaru asked confused.

 _They all forgot about me again_

"Huh? Who was that?" Naruto asked and looked behind.

Shino was standing near a tree under the shades, completely covered in his coat and wearing his goggles.

"Shino! You were here too! I didn't know that! You, didn't say anything the whole time and you were hiding there" Naruto tried to make up for his mistake.

"Don't worry Naruto, it runs in the Aburame clan, we are always forgotten" Shino said looking very disappointed with a deadpan.

"Um, haha, sorry Shino, we will ask you too, whose side are you on?" Sakura asked trying to cheer him up.

"Since,animes cause a lot of sound and have loud background music and as I prefer solitude and quiet, I will go with Sasuke" Shino said in his heavy but low voice.

 _As expected_ , everyone thought.

"By the way Naruto, what was the thing about us now being two different teams you said?" Saqura inquired.

"Oh, yeah,that. Well, you see…..umm…leave it, I will let Kakashi sensei explain it all to you, he will do it much better than me" Naruto replied, leaving everyone confused except Sasuke.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you guys something"Shikamaru said "Tomorrow, Temari is coming to Konoha for a few days, as she has taken some holidays from her work to spend some time with us.

"Alright! We will ask her to join a side as well!" Naruto fist pumped in air.

"oye, oye Naruto, don't drag her into you mess, she is here to spend some quality time with us, but mostly me" Shikamaru said.

" I am very sure that she will also join one of us, as the writer of this fanfic wants her in the plot" Sasuke said in his same calm demeanor .

"Damn the author!" Shikamaru said agitated.

"Well, u can't help it" Naruto said smiling smugly " Hey author! Whose side is she gonna join?" NAruto shouted, cupping his mouth from one side with one palm.

 **AUTHOR: Let's keep it a surprise.**

"You heard him! Maybe in the next chapter" Naruto smiled.

"But I am sure, in the end, my side will win" Sasuke said with a smirk.

"Well, we will see about that" Naruto replied seriously.

"Idiot"

"Idiot

"Manga"

"Anime!"

"MANGA!"

"ANIME!"

"CHIDORI!"

"RASENGAN!"

Humming like a happy bird, the brand new car of Mr. Yamamoto rode down the road rather smugly. The man was one of the richest in his town and had just bought a new miraculous thing that had appeared in the market- car. The vary first in his elemental nation. To show his wealth, he had bought the car on the first day of sale, though it's price was sky high, but he didn't care.

Though, he was a bit worried today, he had to go on some important business of his to a nearby town in the morning and had planned to return back before dusk. But, as luck would have it, he got stuck and now it was past midnight and he was crossing this odd road or highway to his home back in his town.

He had heard enough rumors to be alert and scared. This place was rumored to be haunted by a ghost who asked for lifts from people even if they were on foot and will kill them if denied. Just thinking about all this made him shit bricks. But he was oddly confident, because he had this new car of his, his miraculous possession, which ran at amazing speed and was totally safe as it was locked.

Some sort figures seemed to loom a few meters ahead. It wasn't very clear, but Mr. Kiyo Yamamoto tried adjusting his glasses and realized that the figure seemed rather humanly. But it was highly unlikely for a non shinobi to be here this late at night where the silence was so dominating, that even night creatures were afraid to make any sort of sound.

As the car moved, it became clear, it was actually a woman, draped white cloth, not looking like a proper cloth, but a white cloth wrapped around. Her hair was shaggy and flying in all directions, her face dirty and mud stained, but she had red lipsticks on. Her eyes were totally white without any trace of eyeballs and her hands looked like she had been digging up with them, and she looked pregnant. But strangely, she was smiling.

This was more than enough to freak out the car driver, but he didn't lose his calm and contol.

 _Relax! Just relax! I don't bloody care who she is, though her boobs and ass are bigger than the whore whom I screwed two days ago, but I don't know her. I will just pass by ignoring her._

The woman raised her hand with her thumb pointing in the forward direction, a signal for a lift. But the car drove by without even slowing down, rather speeding up even more.

"Phew! I guess, I am safe now" Yamamoto wiped off the sweat from his forehead "but that ass though"

*knock knock*

Mr. Kiyo surprised looked at his adjacent window and say the woman there knocking , her face on his window glass and her tongue sticking out staining the glass with her saliva and her hair flying and still knocking.

Kiyo had already pissed his pants but after a sudden realization, he got furious.

"You bitch! You know how expensive that glass is! It was imported from Tsunagakure(sand village)! IT COSTS A MOTHERFUCKING 10,000 RYO ALONE! You can't buy this car in your seven lifetimes, you beggar! You don't believe me? I will show you the bill!" and then he started searching for it.

As soon as he found it, he grabbed it and turned towards the window again, but the knocking had stopped and the woman was gone.

"huh? Guess, she understood the difference in our classes" Yamamoto said frustrated "I should have charged her for a dry clean of my pants"

Just as he turned his face away from the window, he saw the woman sitting on the seat beside him and looking at him intently.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Mr. Yamamoto's scream and a baby's laughter could be heard for miles, except there was no one to hear it.

-X-

 **A/N: That is all for now u guys. This is the longest chapter I have ever written, and I hope, it wasn't too bad. Please review to tell how did you think it was or pm me if you want. All sorts of reviews are appreciated. I will upload the next chapter as soon as possible.**

 **Thank you.**


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